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More or Less

More or Less

Numerous things can keep us from living the life that we want, the life we know belongs to us because we deserve it. So then, why don’t we have that life? First, let us start with the most important question: Do we honestly feel we deserve it?

I say this is the most important question because many times I have found that people, including myself, are preventing their own prosperity. How? Simple. We often continuously punish ourselves for the things that have happened in our past. We have somehow convinced ourselves that the life we have always dreamed to be ours, cannot be ours at all.

Why might we be punishing ourselves exactly, why don’t we feel we deserve it? Well, those questions depend on the individual to whom it is being addressed. At this time, I can only speak from my own perspective. I guess it’s time to be a little vulnerable. I had no idea I was punishing myself until my ex-husband and I separated, May 18, 2018, and even after that, it had been several months until I finally came to that conclusion. What I specifically did to come to that conclusion, I will include in another blog post, but it was the most exciting journey I could have ever taken for myself, and I’m excited to say that I am currently on this journey and intend on staying on this journey until I am called to rest in peace.

I would like to start with how frequently I held on to a grudge. So very often, I held on to things people said to me and about me. I felt as if I was living to be angry and on guard. I disliked my stepmother, I thought my father could have been a better father, I was angry at my birth mother for abandoning me. I stopped talking to one of my older sisters, as well as my brother and his daughter. To be honest, I am not sure how much love I had for myself if any at all. I was just angry and full of misery.

One would never know that about me, ask anyone from high school or college, I was always smiling and wanting to be around people. But deep down inside, I was telling myself that I might not be able to obtain happiness and I treated myself accordingly. Once in the place, I stopped treating myself nicely. I never purchased nice items for myself, I never took a walk, went to a nice restaurant, or read a book at a park on a sunny day. I was a walking, talking, living, breathing human being wandering haphazardly. “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7.

I have discovered that when you don’t have an expectation for yourself, you don’t want or desire more. You settle, you expect the minimum and do the minimum. This same low energy is expected from the people you allow in your life.

I had to go through many trials and tribulations to come to the point where I love, appreciate, and respect myself. It is a journey that I have come to love. The things I have gone through in my life have led me to this exact path. This path has allowed me to share my experience with so many. I am honored and blessed to be a part of helping anyone who feels Peace Under Pressure will do for them what it has done for me.

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